So, we (my husband and I) have been faced with a temporary cash flow blimp over the past few weeks. My husband is building a new business, and while he is doing this, I am working to support the growth of the business and our family.
We hit a point the other week where we were literally left cashless, and at that point I spoke to my parents and asked if they would kindly provide some support to help us get through, until we finalised the sale of an investment property. My parents agreed, as I was a little upset (crying on the phone to my Mum) of the prospect of having no money.
My Mum then went into Mother mode, and started to tell me that my husband needed to get a job, and he needed to support the family, you know all that usual motherly advice. Now, I am a little slow off the mark with responding to people’s comments, even my Mum’s. You know she is my Mum, you listen to them, and what they say. I did listen to what she said, and went back to my husband and we set a stop dead date of when he needed to start looking for a income paying job or something.
I had 2 sets of conversations with 2 of the people that I love most in my life. In classic Luchi style, I was caught up in my idea of “keeping people happy” and it was initially a big challenge to have 2 of the people you love most, telling you what is best to do… OMG – I was torn, I had no idea what to do. I was not really stressed about the money, more about which way to go
I instantly thought to myself, do I keep my mother happy, and keep in line her ideal’s of life, and that the best thing is to have a job, pay off you mortgage and just be a regular every day person.
Now, my mother’s ideal of life is to have a job. All because she was not able to work full time, as she had 5 children to look after, and she also had other things happening which meant she could not work. I know from past conversations with her, it was her dream to hold down a job, but it just was not possible. So, her dream for me and my husband is just to have a job. So, my husband not having a regular job, well, it does not fit into her ideal’s of a life, and you know she is older than me, and knows about life, so she likes to tell me :). “Lucia, that is all there is in life, you get a job, work and pay off your mortgage”
On the other my husband is working to build a future for us and our 2 beautiful girls. He is working his butt off, so that we can have a future with financial freedom. As much as he has agreed with our drop dead date of getting a regular job, he is determined to create a business that provides an income for his family. He is against getting a job again, because one he does not envisage working for someone else and could not bear to think about it, after working for a large corporate for many years.
We have been working for 2.5 years at building this business, and we do not want to give up and give in, when we have come so far. We are building our dream, a dream that inspires us to be bigger people. Live life, you know that stuff that makes you get all nervous…
So, here I am, feeling torn between 2 lovers… is that a song?.. hmm, not sure. But, the point I am getting to it has been a real challenge for me, as I have this MASSIVE story of keeping my Mum happy. Even talking to my husband today, about “what if” we get to the end of the time when he said he would commit, and something does not happen and I have to tell my Mum… Yeshhh… just thinking about it gives me a head ache, I get all hot and sweatty… it is not a feeling that I like.
Then my memory brought back this situation, when I was way younger, well not too young, lets so 20. It was my first serious boyfriend, and I told my Mum, that I was staying the night at his place. Man, did she go mental, calling me some not so nice words.. she got rather upset with me. I stood my ground and told her I was staying there. What she said rather upset me, big time and I suppose I am putting the past in my future even today. Thinking that if I upset my Mum, she will be really upset with me, maybe even nasty, and may hurt me again by what she may say. It funny is it that your mind can recall situations for long ago. I suppose thinking about it now, I was brought up in a “Italian culture: in good old Kingsgrove, Sydney, and led a pretty sheltered life. Mum obviously was trying to protect me from the big bad world of boyfriends, maybe she did not know what to do, I am not sure, maybe that is a conversation to have next with her.
Anyway, now that I have cleared that up in my head. I feel a lot better. I have to have some balls, and be the best “Lucia” there is. I may not please everyone, esp my Mum, at times, but this is the life that I want to live. I want to dream big, do things that I never thought I could possibly achieve, like having an awesome husband, and 2 beautiful girls – well, I have achieved that!. Dreaming of living in NYC, being creative, writing for a living, having my own fashion lifestlye brand, that is internationally recognized – now that is big! Learning to play the piano, taking photos of dead trees (Shane always laughs at that). Teaching my daughters about life, and seeing them experience life. They are just some of the things that inspire me. Did I forget to mention working as a team to build my husbands business, sorry babe…:)
I always remember this saying from a girl at high school. She died of a rare lung condition when we were in Year 12. The front of her booklet at her funeral read “Reach for your Dreams”, and that is what I want to do, and nothing is going to stop me…
Anyway, on another note, I spoke to my Mum the following day, and let her know that I did not appreciate that she was so negative, and that Shane and I are building our dream, and we are going to get it. I stood up for myself, to my Mum.. Wow – I do surprise myself sometimes… She accepted what I had to say, and then went on with some issues she was facing. We said goodbye and that was the end of the conversation, so I thought.
The next day, she called me and said, Lucia I just want to apologize for being a “wet blanket yesterday”. She went onto to explain that she was facing her own things yesterday, and that was giving her stress, and that was why she was a little negative with me. I accepted her apology and listened to what was causing her stress the day before. We spoke about it, and a few days later, her stress was gone as the situation was all sorted.
So, my lesson from this is you really have to be comfortable with who you are in life, there has to be a deep comfort. A deepness to who you are and where you are going on your life journey. You must express yourself for who you are. You know, be a “portal” for the awesomeness of “you” to shine through. thanks Eckhart for your lovely word.
This is my second lesson of not taking things personally, even by your Mum. Things happen in peoples lives, that make them see things in their way, in what they think is the right way. I saw this saying, “there is no right way, only what is right for you.”. I really love this.
I have learnt that you have to have balls and be strong for what you believe in, and not to let anyone let you waiver from that. I have to accept that I may not always keep people happy, and that is ok. I have to make sure that I am happy. This is a BIG lesson for me, as I have spent a lot of my life believing that if you keep people happy you will be happy, and I truely believe this is SO wrong.. let me tell you, that I know this one thing for sure.
So, my questions for you today is, do you try to keep your family happy, whether it is going to Uni, having the job, they expect you to have, marry the person you think you should marry? Why is it that we put other people’s happiness before ours??
Anyway, til next time… Be Good!!!