Bullied? victimised? or empowered?

So, some of you may have noticed that I have not been writing as many posts of late, and of those posts that I have written maybe they have not been that interesting, actually quite boring, if I do say so myself.

I do have something to confess, and No, I have not made a purchase, rather been a little afraid of being who I am in writing these posts.

Let me explain.  After posting Making Space for the New, a Baby Shower & Birthday,  I received a SMS from a friend, who wanted to know what I meant by the post, and this person wrote that she was really upset that I could talk about friends and relationships like that.  She wanted to talk about it.  Uh, man, what have I done were my first thoughts.  I was a little apprehensive to make the call, as it is usually a little hard for me to stand up for what I believe, and 2 be confrontational, well that is what I thought I had to be.

So, anyway, I made the call and had the conversation with my friend about the blog and explained that this is how I felt.   I can not recall the conversation now, only to say that at the time I can only remember feeling empowered and being able to express my true self.  We ended the call on a normal note.  I felt really good about how I was able to stand up for what I believed in.

So, unaware of the impact of this conversation, I continued with my daily life, and writing my blogs.  I noticed that the people reading my posts were dwindling, and wondered what was happening.

I had to reflect on all of this (ok – I know “reflect” might sound a little J, but I like to use it instead of “thinking”).  I realised that since “that” post, I have been procrastinating big time, finding it difficult to write, and just not being motivated to write about my life.

The word “bullied” crossed my mind one day, and I thought how could I have let someone, make me feel that bad about what I wrote and feel that  “I am not good enough”, that I could not continue writing this blog?  Uh, then the next day  the word victim came to mind… am I playing a victim in this situation, poor Lucia is always treated so badly by her friends.  boo hoo…  I am actually laughing as i write this.  Why you ask?

Well, I have let these 2 phrases run my life for a long time.  Stories of not “being good enough”, and trying so HARD, I mean so hard to make people happy, even when I knew that it was truly making me unhappy.   You know, everyone one around me, family, friends, work, relationships.   Feeling a victim to myself, because I let myself down so many times, by not being who I am and who I knew to be deep down inside Lucia.  Not being who I am, has kept me unhappy.  Well, Not any more…

It was like in that conversation with this person, for about 2 minutes I was empowered ( I really can not explain how I felt).  It was a inner strength that I seldom experience.  It was like the giant of Lucia came out – roar!, for a few minutes and then it went straight back inside me.  I now realise that I was really scared to be who I was because it upset a friend.   And I much rather keep people happy than keep myself happy.   Hmm, I must say that this really does not work for me anymore, I am sorta over keeping people happy.  I want to keep me happy and feel awesome all the time.  I want to write this blog and explore what it is to be a human being, rather than a human doing.

I took what this person had to say personally.

I remember this one thing (of the many things) from a book that a lovely lady gave me about a year ago.  The book is called the 4 Agreements( a must read), and one of the agreements is “never take anything personally”.  Why cant you take anything personally?

Because everyone has a different perception of life, based on their life experiences, and everyone has a different life experience, and the stories that they have created from these experiences.  For eg, If you take 5 people all seeing the same accident happen, each of those 5 people will provide you with a different story of how it happen.   What they saw happen was their reality of the car accident, and they will create stories as to why it happened.  It has nothing to do with what actually happened. Car A hit Car B.

So, I took what this person had to say personally because deep down I did not feel that I was good enough and I would upset someone if I truly said how I felt about things.  Of course, what she had to say supported my deep thoughts of not being good enough, yada, yada, yada,  just that it took a bit of time to seep into my psyche.  All these funny little thoughts led to my procrastination, not coming up with ideas, feeling unmotivated…. Light Bulb!!  A-ha moment…. WOW!!!

So, maybe the lesson in all of this is, I can be who I want to be, (boy did it feel good), and not to take peoples comments, opinions, etc personally because it is all based on THEIR reality at the time and has nothing to do with me.   Maybe this friend was having a bad day, or she just heard something, who knows, what was going thru her head at that point that we had the conversation .  I can not be responsible for her thoughts and feelings.  I let her feelings get to me based on the stories in my head… and I must let go of that. I have let go of it… WOOHOO!!!

I can only be responsible for me, and my world!  I am creating the possibility of being LUCIA more often, and living a life where I am confident to be the best me. I feel empowered!

BTW – I actually put the new Lucia to the test just this past weekend at another baby shower, and you know that it felt fricken awesome to be the person I want to be, and talking to people and being present and enjoying the event.

So, have you ever reflected on a situation/ event and it taught you something about your true self… Have you ever had thoughts of “not being good enough?”  Do you find it hard not to take peoples comments, opinions personally??

Please feel free to share with me today….It may take some guts, but I know you all out there are awesome people, so go for it….

PS- I make this commitment to all of you out there to be open and honest with blog posts and to have a blast writing them!

Have an awesome weekend

Til next time…. be good!!!

I FEEL EMPOWERED!!!!

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One response to “Bullied? victimised? or empowered?

  1. Awesome blog babe – you are an amazing person and people see that. Those who don’t let you be the real Luchi aren’t worth your time or effort!

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