So, I get this phone call from a girlfriend yesterday, you know same sort of
thing, how was your weekend? yada, yada, yada, then she comes out with
Lucia ‘I need to ask you a question” and I say ok… then she says that she
wants to invite one of my ex boyfriends to her daughters party. SHOCK.. we’re my first thoughts.. then I replied “its your party invite them if you want”, then I asked for them not to be formally invited. Anyway, she decided that she would not formally invite them… PHEW! (BTW – This ex & I did not depart in the nicest of ways, and it was not exactly what I call a normal relationship to say the least)
So, anyway for the next couple hours, all these thoughts ran through my mind, what if I said yes to him coming, or if my GF invited them anyway, what would I wear, when would we get our new car, you, know, all those things of how you want to be when you see an “ex”.. I don’t want to see my past, esp because I am not “THAT” person anymore
On my way home, all these thoughts of this relationship, are running through my head, I was not feeling that good about myself, no lets say I had a headache, anxiety.. I was in another world. Then I recall having a conversation with a close girlfriend at work, about how good the Aussie dollar is at the moment, and then the next thought was maybe I can buy something online that would make me feel much better. Just a little something to get me over this hump, and to help me forget about that all was going through my head. Where could I go, ShopBop, Net-A-Porter, maybe PiperLime… I need a new wallet, maybe some new for the birthday party that I was going to.. I need to look my best at a 2yo birthday party,(how crazy was that thought) I go into auto mode, as I scan my wardrobe in my head for what I might now NEED make me feel a little better about this!!
Then I remember something from some book I had read, think it was Echart Tolle, “this too shall pass”, so this feeling of I can only describe as “yuck” will pass. I take a deep breathe and make myself present to this situation… OMG- I was going to use my card to fill a hole, which would only be temporary, for this same feeling to come back some time in the future. So, I stop my thoughts of making a purchase, CREDIT CARD CRISIS AVERTED… phew..
I share the story with my Doctor (ie My husband – who always bring amazing wisdom to any situation) and there are some things that I did in my past, yes, you can correctly assume it was in that relationship that I am not too proud about. My husband goes onto explain that it was something I did, not what I am about and most importantly, it doesn’t get to define who I am – its just stuff that happened! I think those were the exact words my Doctor used…hmm, some food for thought..
Reading this post over, I almost feel like a addict and buying “clothing” gives me some sense of fulfillment, where there is none… hmmm, something to think about.
Do you ever feel that you buy clothes to fill something that is missing in your life?? It can be a little confronting to see this.. let me know what you think.
Yeah!!! I paid $400 off my credit card yesterday!!!
And remember… be good